So, I guess...I live in Manhattan now...

All I can say right now is, wow. God is good. Life is good. And I feel blessed.

So, after months of applications, statements of purpose, audition prep and auditions...my friends and I went to grad school auditions in Chicago at the end of January...then, we all auditioned for tons of schools...then, the one school that is really interested in me was Columbia (which I applied for expecting to have to audition 3 years in a row before they'd even really CONSIDER calling me back)...and I cried because I thought it'd be a waste to go (why would they take me? they must call everyone back, if they're calling me back!) and I thought I could never in a million years finance and education like that. Then, I decided to adjust my attitude and go and try to get on a plane to NYC (for the first time in my life) and take this amazing opportunity, but then the weekend of those callbacks, there were awful storms, and flights were canceled. Then, once the storm cleared up, flights were overbooked, and there sat I...and standby passenger, a redheaded standby passenger halfway to New York (mmmm Houston) with equal amounts of hope and and a protective shield of realistic doubt in my heart. Then 2 passengers got stuck in Cancun and I heard those magical words, "Passenger Patterson?", and I received a beautiful boarding pass, and I got on a plane to LaGuardia. I made it to the call back, a day in which we really got to sample the professors, play A LOT, and chat with the current students. That day proved to be one of the coolest days of my young life. Lauren and I sat on the crosstown bus that evening on our way back to Marianne's (our sweet friend, cheerleader, and host) in a state of awe and wonder. That day made me realize why I love acting. There was no masochism involved. I wasn't judging myself. I just enjoyed being there, I laughed, I was in awe of those teachers and my fellow auditioners, and I left thinking, "Wow, it would be a dream to get in, but I would audition again next year just for the opportunity to attend that life-changing workshop of a call back again."

So, I went back home to Chico, washed clean of a lot of cynicism and doubt. Then, that Friday, I got a voicemail of acceptance. We cried, and flipped out in the costume shop (which I miss, dearly!!!!). And Lauren got in tooooooo! It was blissful and exciting...and then I got my acceptance letter, and the little card that I was to send back checking yes or no...but then I saw that that little card was to be sent back to Columbia accompanied by a check or money order for $800...and I cried. I didn't have $800, it must be a sign. If you can't afford the tiny deposit, how're you going to be able to afford to attend the most expensive school in the country (yeah, it's true, check U.S. news!!!)? So, I began to doubt my dream again. I figured now mustn't be the right time. Then, the angels in my life, my friends and family helped me (and my amazing Pop Girls who also got into schools of their dreams!), and in a week and a half...I had $800. I'm tearing up a little just writing this, like honestly, I don't know what I did to deserve my friends and family, but I'm so grateful for you guys, I could burst.

So, then I was in, I was going...then I had the stress of funding the education. All of spring and summer were peppered with the stress of finding a place to live in NYC, and more importantly financing my education on my own. I doubted my financial worthiness of my dream like you would not believe. Still, I knew that I had to try.

After an amazing summer of relaxing at home, spending time with friends, visiting my brother in Germany, visiting family in Lake Tahoe, getting to spend a whole week with my bestie since 7th grade, and of course making accessories (my favorite, most relaxing hobby, which I have been so blessed to have been able to a little source of income), I began turning my sights back to NYC. It was a waiting game, trying to get on a flight out of California, but on Tuesday, August 10th...I made it all the way here to New York. Cindy K, came to fetch me from the airport (she even had all my bags from the baggage claim by the time I made it down there). She and her roommate Rick have been so wonderful. They let me stay, they don't complain that my luggage is polluting their living rooms, and they make me laugh too. Lauren is here now too, and she lets me stay, and we explore, and share our pre Columbia excitement!!!

So, when I first got here, I was actually pretty homesick. I was so happy to be here, but I missed my family like crazy. When I first got to Chico in 2006, I LOVED every minute, and I never once felt homesick. In fact, I didn't start missing home until like, my junior year of college, but here I am at 22, missing my home and family day 1 in NYC. Homesickness and NYC culture shock aside, I began plugging away at searching for housing. Craigslist and Starbucks were my best friends. I needed a room to rent (preferably close to school and furnished) and Cindy's wifi isn't set up yet, so that is how I came to spend hours upon hours with Craiglist and Starbucks. I wrote about 30 e-mails, and I looked at 7 or 8 places (but most places...just didn't feel right...I felt like I wouldn't feel at home) and then, after a week of full time searching I found a gem. My new place is a 5-10 minute walk from school (the main campus, and the Schapiro), cheaper than EVERYTHING I looked at (750/month for rent, 820/with utilites and cable/internet...it seems expensive, but it's VERY reasonable for Manhattan, ya'll), it's in a cute, safe area, the apartment is a renovated 4 bedroom, 2 bath, equipped with a beautiful kitchen full of new appliances (including a DISHWASHER, which is unheard of here), and my future roomies are wonderful. 2 of them are Columbia grads (Stephan is now a professional, and Aisling is going back to school at FIT, to pursue her dream of becoming an fashion designer), and 1 of them, Bin, is a 3rd year law student at Columbia. They're all very driven 20-somethings, who work hard/play hard, so I think it'll work out well.

So, then I had a place, but still lacked like 2/3 of my financial aid. I had been waiting to hear whether or not I qualified for grad plus loans (the federal loans that supplement any other aid you receive, allowing you to borrow up to your cost of attendance, which includes tuition, room and board, books, transportation, all of it). So, I called because I was confused about something, and a very nice Financial Aid office employee helped me out, and made sure that Columbia processed my loan application. 2 hours after I called and he helped me request all the money I needed, I logged into Student Services Online, and all of my loans were there. I may even be able to borrow less than what I've been awarded. I couldn't believe my eyes. The stress of 6 months was gone. I am going to Columbia, and I didn't need to borrow anyone's credit to do it. My dream is actually coming true...it's unreal...I don't know what I did to deserve this, but thank you, God, and and thank you to all of my friends, family, and mentors for encouraging me, loving me and reminding me that "our doubts are traitors". "GRATEFULLLLLLLL" is how I feel all day every day right now.

Now, I have to finish my summer homework, and read, and choose a sexy Greek monologue. I can't wait to get my student i.d. card, so I can go in the library and soak it all up. I can't wait to meet my acting class (CUGA '13!!!!! We get to learn from some of the most amazing theatre professionals in the world, and then they throw in Dianne Wiest for a month!!!?) and all of the other fabulous people in the Theatre Program here. I can't wait to attend classes and soak up all the my teachers have to offer (and soak up their mannerisms, so I can tell everyone stories about my wonderful, genius teachers, who I am sure will make me laugh, cry and appreciate technique and myself more than I ever knew I could). I can't wait to get to know this place better, and I can't wait to be a resource for my friends who want to come out here and do this too. I couldn't be doing what I am doing without people guiding me. I feel so lucky and blessed, and all I keep thinking is, "What can I give in return, for everything I have been given? How can I pay it forward?" I hope that I can work harder than hard here at school, learn all I can, make all the connections that I can, and press on to make my career dreams a reality, so that I can be a helpful connection for people. It would be really nice to someday make enough money to give out scholarships too!!!!!

That'll be great, but I know that for now I have to keep the faith, enjoy every day (even though grad school is not going to be a bed of roses, there WILL be days where I feel like quitting), never lose wonder and appreciation of my surroundings and the people in my life. For now though, I'm going to enjoy these next few weeks until school starts. Things fell into place in a way that I never dreamed they would, and now I'm going to do my work, and pray (please pray with me for our troops and my brother, and our favorite Bill Johnson), and smile, and walk around this place like a boss (as you must, unless you want to get trampled or hit on) with a heart full of love, sparkling, feathery big dreams, and gratitude (I was NEVER alone in this).

I'm living my dream. And I cry because it's possible. ♥